All in a rug

Yesterday I bought a rug.

I haven't had carpet of any kind in my house since...  I don't really remember.  Let's see, in Lima my apartment didn't have carpets or rugs.  Tacna?  Nope not in any of the three apartment.  Well, maybe before I went to Peru.  Let's see where did I live?  Oh right, the Gorham street house.  Nope.  Zilch. Nada.  No carpet.  The last time I had carpet in the living room was the First Street apartment.  That would be in 2005.

You're probably asking yourself the question that I asked so many times in attempt to put off the expensive of a large area rug.  What's the big deal with a rug?  Is it really all that important?  I mean I've lived without one for 7 years.  And besides, wood floors are pretty and in style.  I agree with all of that and yet, there is something different about my living room now.

We threw down a five foot by seven foot "chocolate ripple" rug over our wood laminate.  We moved some of the furniture around and now I can't get enough of living in this room.  There is something relaxing and peaceful.   I came home from work and the gym today and I sat on my couch and let the peace wash over me.  After dinner, I sat on the rug and leaned against my husband who had fallen asleep on the couch and was able to be still.  God and thankfulness to Him washed over me as I was still.  I'm now propped up on a couch pillow sprawled on the rug blogging with Shane and Shane on Pandora.  More relaxed than in month.  This is my cozy safe place.

Who would've thought a rug could initiate all that?

A Reflection

Today I sit in the shade of a tree starring out at the deep blue ocean as it stretches all the way out to where it meets the horizon and I know it.  I have a love affair with the pacific ocean.

It's big and bright and eternal.

It's wild and free and independent.

It's cold and refreshing and revitalizing.

The fresh wind off the water breathes life into my soul and makes me dream again.  All this and yet at rest.  I could stay here all day peacefully resting.

I'm sure psychologists could say so much about me based on this, a full personality profile even.  They would be right.  As the waves roll in, so does a perfect reflection of myself.     --March 24th

The memory of me..

I have lived in many places.  Each place has had a unique part in my life.  As I visit places I used to live, I see myself in the memories people have of me.  It is never the whole me they see or expect but the part of me that grew while I was in that place and in that time.  It is a disappointment because these memories do not hold all of me.  I visit many places but it's always the same.  Where can I go to find all of me?  The place where my experiences and deseos and all that is me lines up?  --March 20th

Reflections from the road

This week I got back from Peru.  After two years away, it was a good and necessary trip but oh so exhausting.   I did have a a couple of moments to think and enjoy silence.  Here are some thoughts that I had as I was leaving....

March 16

The first time I moved to Peru, i was a mess.  Literally.  I was doubled over in pain and couldn't stand up.  Melly Mel and laura had to help me to the car and get me to choke down tums.  i got on the plane and fell asleep.  i was so tired i didn't realize the plane sat at the gate for two hours while I slept. The pain in my tummy wore off but my nervousness and excitement did not.  I was ready to "change the world."

I got there and it was so different and so strange.  I felt lost and unknown.  Time wore on and it became my home.  Today, I'm heading back after two years and my question is this:  will it be home or unknown? 

Play

So, there was this semester in college that I lived in a house rather than a dorm.  For some reason also that semester, my classes were insanely easy.  Now, I'm sure I could have put in extra time and learned about 300% more than I did but I didn't.  My housemates were either much better students than I, or they had harder classes for they always had homework when I had none.  I remember that more than once a week as they were studying I would come out of my bedroom and yell "PLAY!!!" hoping for them to drop everything and do something fun. Unfortunately for their grades, I was successful more times than I should have been.  It was one of the most fun semesters of college.

This weekend I had a great time of play.  I was off work Friday and had a three day weekend to do nothing but play.  I relaxed, read an entire novel, watched movies, went shopping, and watched the sunset at the beach with my husband.  Sunday night I was as relaxed as a cat.

My life at the moment is the exact opposite of that semester in college.  I'm the housemate with the difficult and time-consuming things.  Yet this weekend I remembered the importance of throwing everything down and   just playing.  Those times center me and bring me back to who I am.  I need to hear myself shout "play" a little more often...

Not about the new year

So, I just realized that this might look like a new year's resolution.  I hadn't intended it to be that way although it works that way.  This idea was spurred on by two things.  Three actually.  I've wanted to find a way of keeping in touch with those that live far from me for a long time.  But the two things that helped me do this today are a friend's blog about naming the years and my starting to read a book called "the hole in our gospel."  I don't know if the book is good because I've only read 10 pages and I don't want to steal my friends idea (as you are probably reading this). But, the idea made me think about what I want from this year and the book started to revive thoughts and passions and beliefs that I struggle to remember and keep alive.  So, I'm not naming my year but I am walking purposefully into this year trying to fill in the holes in what I believe, in what's important, in relationships, in work, in finances.  I'm purposely going to let God work in me and on me to make me whole....

Different

I've always admired people that have a way with words.  I read their blogs and wish I could sit down and chat with them.  I've also always admired people that are great at keeping in touch.  Many of you are those people.  You sit down and write an email or you pick up the phone.  You make skype dates and catch up on life.  As I watch you connect and fill each other in on life, I'm secretly envious of your ability to keep those lines of communication open.

Today, I've stopped envying.  I've stopped admiring.  I've started doing.  Although others may stumble upon this, I'm writing to you that I've invited to read this.  This is my keeping in touch; my sharing of self. I've come to realize that I am different and as that impacts everything I do, it also impacts my sharing.  What isn't different is that my relationships with you are important, very important, to me.  So, this may not be a skype date(although i do like those), and it may not be a phone call (even though I wish I had time for that).  It is similar to an email in that I invite you to interact with me and pray for me and encourage me as I walk through life.  It's not your normal email however.  It's something new.  It's something different.  It's me.